100 Chuck Norris Jokes, Get Here Funny Chuck Norris Jokes And Images

Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris is a popular American martial artist and actor. Chuck Norris Jokes have been searched by many people now. The action star has a second career inspiring jokes and memes. After serving in the United States Air Force, Chuck won several martial arts championships and then founded his own discipline Chun Kuk Do. He made his last movie appearance to date in Sylvester Stallone's "The Expendables 2." There are more funny Chuck Norris jokes here. So, scroll down and get 100+ funny Chuck Norris Jokes.

100 Chuck Norris Jokes

1. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
2. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
3. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
4. Chuck Norris breathes air ... five times a day.
5. In the Beginning there was nothing ... then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
6. When God said, Let there be light! Chuck Norris said, Say Please.
7. Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
8. If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
9. The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.
10. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
11. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
12. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, 'Two seconds till.' After you ask, 'Two seconds to what?' he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
13. Chuck Norris appeared in the 'Street Fighter II' video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this glitch, Chuck Norris replied, That's no glitch.
14. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
15. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
16. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
17. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
18. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
19. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage. Its now called Red Bull.
20. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.
21. On the 7th day, God rested ... Chuck Norris took over.
22. Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
23. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
24. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
25. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.
26. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
27. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, Bang!
28. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
29. Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.
30. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
31. Chuck Norris counted to infinity... twice.
32. Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
33. Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time.
34. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
35. Chuck Norris stands faster than anyone can run.
36. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
37. Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.
38. Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
39. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
40. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
41. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
42. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
43. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
44. Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
45. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
46. Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
47. When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
48. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
49. Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
50. Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
51. Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
52. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
53. Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
54. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
55. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
56. The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
57. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
58. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
59. Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
60. Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
61. There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.
62. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
63. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he's pushing the Earth down.
64. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
65. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
66. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
67. In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
68. Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
69. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didnt work.
70. Chuck Norris can get in a bucket and lift it up with himself in it.
71. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all lethal.
72. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
73. Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
74. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
75. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors.
76. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
77. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
78. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
79. When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
80. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
81. Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
82. Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
83. Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
84. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
85. Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
86. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
87. Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
88. Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
89. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
90. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
91. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
92. Chuck Norris doesn't need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.
93. Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
94. In an average living room there are a thousand objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
95. Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
96. Chuck Norris's belly button is actually a power outlet.
97. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
98. Chuck Norris is the only man who can fight himself and win.
99. Chuck Norris's cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
100. Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.

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80 Chuck Norris Jokes

1. Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
2. When Chuck Norris was a baby he farted for the first time, that is when the big bang first happened.
3. Chuck Norris was once bitten by a poisonous snake. And after a week of excruciating pain, the snake died.
4. There are no streets named after Chuck Norris because no one would ever cross Chuck Norris
5. Chuck Norris's mother tried to have an abortion. The procedure resulted in the doctor being knocked unconscious by Chuck Norris.
6. When alexander graham bell first invented the telephone. He had three missed calls from chuck norris
7. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
8. A rainbow happens every time Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.
9. Chuck Norris doesn't pay taxes, taxes pay Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris once had an arm wrestling contest with superman. I'm not going to say who won, but the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside for the rest of his life.
11. Chuck Norris was exposed to Covid-19. Covid-19 had to go into quarantine for a month.
12. Chuck Norris is able to build a snowman out of water.
13. Chuck Norris didn't call the wrong number, you answered the wrong phone.
14. Chuck Norris didn't cheat death, he won fairly and squarely.
15. Chuck Norris walked into chemistry class and ripped the Periodic Table of Elements off of the wall. Why? Because the only element Chuck Norris needs is the element of surprise.
16. Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. It is a pity that he has never cried.... ever.
17. Chuck Norris once wrestled a bear, an alligator, and a tiger all at once. He won by tying them together with an anaconda.
18. When Chuck Norris was born the doctor asked him to name his parents.
19. George Lucas couldn't cast Chuck Norris as Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars trilogy. If he did, it would be only 8 minutes long. 7 of those minutes are for the intros and credits.
20. Chuck Norris never needs to flush the toilet. He always scares the crap out of it.
21. The laws of physics always bend the rules for Chuck Norris.
22. Chuck Norris didn't get a Covid-19 vaccine.
23. Covid-19 got a Chuck Norris vaccine.
24. Chuck Norris eats his meat so rare that he only eats unicorns and dragons.
25. Chuck Norris once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
26. Whenever Chuck Norris peels onions, the onions always cry.
27. Chuck Norris is able to recycle toxic waste.
28. Chuck Norris has to carry a concealed weapons permit when he wears his regular clothes.
29. When Chuck once roundhouse kicked a coal mine and turned it into a diamond mine.
30. Chuck Norris doesn't strike gold, gold is the byproduct of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking rocks.
31. When police officers approach Chuck Norris they say "we have the right to remain silent".
32. When Chuck Norris goes to a restaurant, the waiter tips him.
33. Chuck Norris was born May 6th 1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7th 1945, this is not a coincidence.
34. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity more than once.
35. Chuck Norris has a bear rug on his lounge floor.
36. The bear is still alive, it is just afraid to move.
37. Chuck Norris doesn't go to the gym, instead he goes shop lifting.
38. If Chuck Norris was on The Titanic the iceberg would have dodged the ship.
39. Chuck Norris is able to make other people walk in his sleep.
40. Somebody asked Chuck Norris how many press ups he could do, Chuck Norris replied "all of them".
41. Chuck Norris once raced the earth around the sun and won by three year.
42. Chuck Norris was asked to fire someone once, that is how hell was invented.
43. When Chuck Norris jumps on the Tempur-Pedic mattress, the wine glass falls over.
44. When Chuck Norris was a child at school, his teachers would raise their hands in order to talk to him.
45. When Chuck Norris's parents had nightmares, they would come to his bedroom.
46. When Chuck Norris crosses the road, vehicles look both ways.
47. Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts are stimulated from touching his shoulders.
48. Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 100 men, after that the grenade exploded.
49. Chuck Norris was able to smell a gas leak before they added the scent to gas.
50. Chuck Norris has a diary, it is called the Guinness Book Of World Records.
51. Hi there, I heard that you are a huge fan of When Chuck Norris does push ups the earth moves, we call this phenomenon an earthquakes.
52. Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to season his meat.
53. Chuck Norris is able to sketch your portrait using an eraser.
54. The dinosaurs once looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way, that is why we no longer have dinosaurs.
55. Chuck Norris had a staring competition with the sun and won.
56. Chuck Norris wears a fanny pack and everyone else looks gay.
57. Chuck Norris once spun a ball on his finger, to this day planet earth continues to turn.
58. Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees, he just pushed them over and walks over them.
59. Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with one bird.
60. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands, they are now just called "The Islands".
61. Chuck Norris doesn't need to wear a watch, he simply decides what time it is.
62. When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get in shape.
63. Chuck Norris is able to strangle people using a cordless phone.
64. Chuck Norris is the reason that Wally is always hiding.
65. When Chuck Norris falls from a great height, the ground has it's life flash before it's eyes.
66. When Chuck Norris enters a building that is on fire, the Chuck Norris alarm rings.
67. When Thanos snapped his fingers he disappeared. Chuck Norris doesn't like snapping.
68. The sun has to wear sunglasses when Chuck Norris glances at it.
69. When Chuck Norris looked into the abyss, the abyss looked the other way.
70. The Grand Canyon was formed when Chuck Norris was doing a triathlon. Chuck Norris was on the swimming leg.
71. Bigfoot is still hiding because he once saw Chuck Norris walking in the mountains.
72. When Chuck Norris drops the soap in prison, he picks it up successfully.
73. The Loch Ness Monster claims to have seen Chuck Norris.
74. Chuck Norris can drink a whole glass of beer. Yep, even the glass.
75. When Chuck Norris uses the internet he can skip ads whenever he wants, ads are not able to skip Chuck Norris.
76. Chuck Norris doesn't negotiate with terrorists. The terrorists negotiate with Chuck Norris.
77. Chuck Norris won an arm wrestling tournament, with both arms tied behind his back.
78. The "Roundhouse kick" name was born when Chuck Norris kicked around an entire house.
79. Chuck Norris got a divorce and was asked to give half his assets and property away. Chuck Norris proceeded to chop the entire universe in half with his bare hands.
80. The Flash discovered how to run at the speed of light when he discovered Chuck Norris was looking for him.
81. When Chuck goes bowling he doesn't get every pin with a single bowl he gets every pin in the bowling alley.
82. The reason why people say it's pointless for Trump to build a wall is because Chuck Norris walks to Mexico and back once a month.
83. Ghosts tell Chuck Norris stories at the campfire.
84. Burger King made their slogan "Have it your way" when Chuck Norris walked into their restaurant.
85. Chuck Norris mines bitcoin with a pen and paper.

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