100+ Dark Humor Jokes, Dark Jokes That Are Twisted, Scary and Funny
by Menaga K | Updated Feb 25, 2023
100+ Best Dark Humor Jokes
Dark humor jokes should be told to the closest of friends and family as they may not be the best for all. They are a little weird and scary so it's better to crack these jokes on friends and family. So if you want to take a risk to bring smiles to your near and dear ones, then check out these corny Dark Humor Jokes.
Who does not like jokes? It is hard to find people not laughing at some random jokes said by anyone, but be careful when you spill out Dark humor jokes. As we all know laughter is the best medicine, so let us start our day by having a small dose of this medicine.
Dark Humor Jokes
"Today, I asked my phone "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera."
Image Source: Fresherslive
"I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor."
"My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care."
"Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera."
"A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
"As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice."
"I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden."
"The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis."
"Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions."
"I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere."
"Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs."
"A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree exclaims, "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
"My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her."
"What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found."
"I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors."
"When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein."
"Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted."
"My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!"
"Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person."
Funniest Dark Humor Jokes
"Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times."
Image Source: Fresherslive
"It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive."
"Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times."
"When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings."
"Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life."
"My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right."
"When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back."
"A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”
"I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy."
"The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved."
"You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo."
"Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere."
"What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick."
Very Dark Humor Jokes
"How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry."
Image Source: Fresherslive
"My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!"
"My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf"
"I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor."
"As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice."
"The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis."
"A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.""
"When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein."
"How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry."
"They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important."
"What's your name, son?" The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-David, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
"When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates."
"I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy."
"What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick."
"Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
"Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life."
"What do you call it when every one of your friends makes too many dumb COVID jokes? A pundemic."
"I hope Death is a woman. That way it will never look at me twice."
"My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow."
"Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs."
"I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors."
Best Dark Humor Jokes
"I don't have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere."
Image Source: Fresherslive
"It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my good friends would still be alive."
"The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved."
"I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid."
"I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down."
"The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me."
"Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them."
"I'll never forget my granddad's last words to me just before he died: "Are you still holding the ladder?"
"It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey."
"What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car."
"I work with animals," the guy says to his date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?" "I'm a butcher," he says."
"Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the corner."
"Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!"
"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, If I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes."
"I don't have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere."
"What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? Its butt."
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough."
"Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That's the punch line."
"I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once."
"Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst."
"I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99 percent of you will never get it."
Knock Knock Dark Humor Jokes
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Woz. Woz who? Up your wazoo!
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jamaican. Jamaican who? Jamaican me horny."
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Europe. Europe who? I AM NOT A POO! HOW DARE YOU."
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? School. School who? School your ass."
"Knock, knock! Who’s there? Asshole! Asshole who! Open the door and find out, asshole!"
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fuck you said. Fuck you said who? “Me!”
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Some! Some who? Some asshole talking to a knock-knock joke."
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bull. Bull who? Bullshitter!"
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tara. Tara who? Tara McClosoff."
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Centipede. Centipede who? Centipede (Santa peed) on the Christmas tree."
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? I eat mop. I eat mop who? You eat your poo?! Gross!"
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not someone. Not someone who? Not someone who will get you laid."
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Madam. Madam who? Help madam finger is stuck in the door."
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? (Sexy voice) Who would you like it to be?"
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? You’re just in time to hear me fart!"
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Amos. Amos who? A mosquito bit me! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Andy. Andy who? And he bit me again!"
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben down and lick my boots!"
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ivanna Seymour. Ivanna Seymour who? Ivanna Seymour Butts."
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Parton! Parton who? Parton my French!"
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana kiss your lips off."
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ivan. Ivan who? Ivan to do something naughty with you!"
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Amanda. Amanda who? Amanda lay you, your lonely nights are over!"
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anita! Anita who? Anita you right now!"
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Idaho! Idaho who? I da hoe? No! You da hoe!"
"Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dewey! Dewey who? Dewey have a condom handy?"
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Dark Humor Jokes - FAQs
Jokes are a complete package of laughter in terms of words and sentences.
1. I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
2. My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.
3. Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
4. A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
5. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.