Clean Jokes, 101 Clean and Funny Jokes that will Make You Laugh
by Ritu
Updated Feb 10, 2023
Clean Jokes
A joke is something said or done to make you laugh which may not be true but maybe funny. Jokes always leave a smile on our faces. These kinds of jokes can be short and corny and make us chuckle too. So want to start your day with a laugh well then you should definitely take a glimpse at these Funny Jokes that would make your entire day more happier. Here is a list of some corny and Funny Clean Jokes that will be great for every occasion.
Clean Jokes That Are Actually Funny
1. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (…Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.)
2. What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics!
3. Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.
4. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved.
5. Do you want to hear a construction joke?
Sorry, I’m still working on it.
Image Source: Fresherslive
6. Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents!
7. Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
8. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
9. What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business.
10. Why should you never trust stairs?
They’re always up to something.
11. When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke?
When it becomes apparent.
12. Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
He got fired.
13. What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderpants
14. I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win.
No pun in ten did.
15. How do you measure a snake?
In inches—they don’t have feet.
16. Where does a waitress with only one leg work?
IHOP.
17. What does a house wear?
Address!
18. Why are toilets always so good at poker?
They always get a flush
19. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands. (I love this joke because it never grows old.)
Image Source: Fresherslive
20. You heard the rumor going around about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.
21. Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’
The other replies, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’
22. The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is…
Wait, where are we again?
23. I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
But if anything, it made him more sluggish.
24. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
25. How does NASA organize a party?
They planet.
Unsplash
26. What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
27. You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
28. How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?
Ten tickles
29. Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?
Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.
30. My teachers told me I’d never amount to much since I procrastinate so much.
I told them, “Just you wait!”
Short Clean Jokes
- A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, "They're right behind you!"
- Want to hear a roof joke? The first one's on the house.
- What should you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns? Go straight for the juggler.
- I saw a movie about how ships are put together. It was riveting.
- Why did the taxi driver get fired? Passengers didn't like it when she went the extra mile.
- How do you look for Will Smith in the snow? Just follow the fresh prints.
- I couldn't believe that the highway department called my dad a thief. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
- I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals. Sadly, no pun in 10 did.
- Which rock group has four guys who can't sing or play instruments? Mount Rushmore.
- Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.
- It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.
- Why should you never trust stairs? They're always up to something.
- How do mountains stay warm in the winter? Snowcaps.
- Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
- I tried to catch fog yesterday. I mist.
- What do you call a religious person who sleepwalks? A roamin' Catholic.
- Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" The other replies, "I'm a big metal fan."
- What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderpants.
- Can February March? No, but April May.
Image Source: Fresherslive
- What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
- What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics.
- What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
- What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course.
- What bow can't be tied? A rainbow.
- People think "icy" is the easiest word to spell. Come to think of it, I see why.
- My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, "Just you wait!"
- What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
- What do we want? Low-flying airplane noises! When do we want them? NEEEEYYYOOOOOOOOWWWW!
- What building in New York has the most stories? The public library.
- Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."
- What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.
- What's a balloon's least favorite type of music? Pop.
- Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? The doctors say it was due to too many strokes.
- What washes up on very small beaches? Micro-waves.
- How does a farmer mend his overalls? With cabbage patches.
- I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.
- Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.
- How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
- What did the big flower say to the little flower? "Hi bud!"
- How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool.
Clean Jokes For Kids
- What did the policeman say to his belly button? You’re under a vest!
- What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
- Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta
- What do call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese
- What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
- Where do pencils go for vacation? Pencil-vania
- What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!!!!!!!
- Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
- What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I’m coming down with something!
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!
- What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointless!
- What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was “out standing” in his field.
- Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet.
- What did one hat say to another? You stay here, I’ll go on a head
Image Source: Fresherslive
- Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrr.
- Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock? Because it’s a little meteor
- What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison
- Why do ducks make great police officers? Because they always quack the case.
- What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers
- Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
- Why aren’t koalas actual bears? The don’t meet the koalafications.
- Why is there a gate around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!
- How does NASA organize a party? They planet
- Who walks into a restaurant, eats shoots and leaves? A Panda
- What did one eye say to the other eye? Don’t look now, but something between us smells.
Long Clean Jokes For Adults
1. My friend once called a few house painters to his house for some work. He wanted them to paint his porch. After a few hours, the house painters came back for the payment as their work was complete. Before leaving they told my friend that they had enjoyed painting his car, but it is not really a Porsche.
2. There is a skeleton in our neighborhood who always knows that something bad might happen way before it actually happens. He has actually become quite famous and when a TV crew interviewed about the reason behind this ability, the skeleton finally disclosed his secret: he could feel the bad vibes in his bones.
3. I had visited a cafe one day with my friends. The waiter recommended that we try their special coffee. We agreed and soon the coffee arrived. As we drink the coffee, we realized that it tastes like dirt and mud. Disgusted by the fact, all of us complained immediately. The alarmed waiter rushes over and says, "Well Sir, it was freshly ground coffee!"
4. A family was having dinner once when the youngest boy asked his father whether worms tasted nice when we eat them. Both the parents reprimanded the little boy and told him that these things shouldn't be discussed over the dinner table. When the father asked the boy after dinner why he had asked such a question, he replied, "Papa, I think worms taste okay because there was one in your noodles."
5. After Sunday church, the priest would hand us each an orange and a big cookie. A little girl once lied and took two oranges, but the priest told her she mustn't lie because God is watching. Then, the girl took two cookies and lied about it. When asked why she had done that, she said because she thought that God was only watching oranges.
6. Once during an adventure, a farmer named Bryan Clay stumbled into a cave and found a magic lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, a Genie appeared and asked him what his wish was. The farmer told him that he wished he were very rich. The Genie said okay and asked him, "Alright Mr Very Rich Clay, what is your second wish?"
7. I went to this haunted house for exploration. It was near the forest so the local guide warned me that I might find some animals there. Sure enough, there was a panda. When I offered it some food, I was taken aback because it suddenly started talking. Turned out that it was a ghost panda and it only ate bam-booooo!
8. As a group of robbers entered the bank, their leader went to the manager and asked him to open the vault. He threatened the manager by saying, "If you try to do anything smart, you're fiction." The manager was confused and asked him, "Don't you mean 'You are history'?" The robber angrily replied back, "Do not change the subject, okay?"
9. I was in the library once when a man walked in asking for some ham and cheese. The librarian politely told him that he was in a library. The man first apologized and then whispered to the librarian, "Can I please have some ham and cheese?"
10. I was in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures, but he was alright except for some minor cuts. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder."
11. After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo. When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside.
12. I was visiting the house of a distant cousin when I saw that he was playing chess with his cat. I said that it had to be the most intelligent cat ever. My cousin replied, "Absolutely not! She has lost all her matches!"
Image Source: Fresherslive
13. My brother came back from school all motivated because he said he would be following a new diet from that day. We didn't really give it much thought until my brother really started eating his homework for dinner. When we stopped him and asked why he was doing that, he replied, "I was just trying to see how it tasted because my teacher said that the homework would be a piece of cake for me."
14. In my neighborhood, there was a couple who had given their twin sons very weird names. One was named Trouble, while the other boy's name was Mind Your Own Business. So, one day they were playing hide and seek. Mind Your Business counted to a hundred and then started looking for his brother. But, somehow he couldn't find him anywhere. He saw a police car passing the neighborhood, so he stopped it to ask for help. When the police officer asked him for his name, he replied, "Mind Your Own Business!" Feeling insulted, the police officer still asked politely who he was looking for. Mind Your Own Business replied, "I am looking for Trouble!"
15. The historians had gathered for a party in Cairo after they had discovered a new mummy. The discovered mummy, on display at the party hall, suddenly woke up. Seeing the historians alarmed, the mummy said that he just wanted to listen to some music. The mummy said, "Please don't play jazz because my trom-bones are in a very bad shape. Could someone please put on some wrap music?"
Clean Jokes - FAQs
Jokes are a complete package of laughter in terms of words and sentences.
1. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (…Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.)
2. What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics!
3. Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.
4. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved.
5. Do you want to hear a construction joke?
Sorry, I’m still working on it.